suite dreams ☆ rupes

[dms]

is this porridge

Comments

w2, saturday.

[agleam]

[wandering around a little bit after the trial, but he pauses when he sees kazunari. after a moment:]

...How are you holding up, after that?

[dms]

[ glancing up from where he's been drawing in his notepad, kazunari seriously debates the merits of playing it all off like usual. but that doesn't feel right, so. ]

Not sure, honestly. We never voted wrong in the prism so it's... a little hard to figure out how to feel about it.

[agleam]

Ah... I'm glad to hear that. Something like this - it's never easy.

[he takes a breath.]

I don't think you have to feel any particular way about it, but - it's good that it matters to you. It should.

[dms]

...So it happened at the school before, huh? I'm sorry.

It just... It sucks? But it's not like there's anyone to blame. We didn't have anything definitive, so... [ he's struggling to process how to feel. ] And Bucky, he tried really hard on Thursday, too...

[agleam]

Ah - you don't have to apologize to me for that.

[he doesn't say that one of them happened on a week he killed, but it still feels strange not to reflexively refuse the apology in this case.]

Mm, there's someone to blame. The person who set all of this up.

[dms]

[ hmmm. well, okay, he won't argue the point about that. if rupert doesn't want apologies, that's his prerogative. ]

Yeah, but we don't even know who that is. And even if we did, I don't think anyone has a way to reach them yet. Like with Dreamer - he was out of reach for all of us who hadn't died until the very end.

[agleam]

[he tilts his head.]

Have you read the contract, yet? He has a name.

[dms]

...No, I haven't had a chance to yet, but I was going to ask about it.

[ bc rl has been a lot sweats ]

But even if we do know his name, does that help us figure out where to go from here?

[agleam]

No, but what I mean is - at least we know who's behind this, even if we can't reach him yet. I'm trying not to forget about that. You know, who the real enemy is.

[dms]

Mm, it's better than nothing at all. That's kind of how it was with Dreamer in the prism, too. We knew his name early on, but almost nothing else.

I really hope we'll figure out what to do about it sooner than later, though... I'm really worried about those shadows controlling people, you know?

[agleam]

Dreamer... I don't think I've heard of them, yet. Who were they?

[he nods.]

I am, too. I wish we knew a way to stop them this soon.

[dms]

Supposedly he was responsible for a lot of what went wrong in the prism. He was one of the first to refract, and he tried to make it worse for everyone. But he'd died before we even got there, so we couldn't do anything about it until after the dead came back. I don't know how much of it was actually his fault, because he was refracting - but a lot of people couldn't forgive him, either.

[ he gives a hesitant smile. ]

There are probably some of us working behind the scenes to figure it out, like before. I just wish I could be of more help.

[agleam]

Oh, so... He was kind of the person behind it all, even if it's not clear how much of that was actually his fault, it sounds like?

[he pauses for a moment, tilting his head.]

Behind the scenes? What do you mean?

[dms]

Pretty much.

Oh, I mean like - there were people in the prism who had these special privileges, I guess? Some of them had different abilities and stuff. That was one of the ways refracting could get fixed.

So maybe it's the same deal here? I don't know for sure, though.

[agleam]

Oh - you mean like extra roles? It could be, yeah.

[a pause, a little awkward.]

Actually, Kazunari, about the refracting thing... There's something I wanted to talk to you about. It might be kind of, um, uncomfortable, so we can wait until - not so much is happening, if you want.

[dms]

Hm? No, it's okay. There's not really anything to do about everything else right now, anyway. What is it?

[agleam]

Right. I was talking to Marie about something, and... she mentioned it happened to you. The refracting thing, I mean, and what it made you do.

[another small pause.]

We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but it felt worse to hide that I knew.

[dms]

[ ah. kazunari smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. ]

It's fine. I haven't been trying to hide it.

[agleam]

...It doesn't have to be fine, you know. I was kind of surprised that she told me so easily.

[...]

I'm sorry something like that happened to you, at any rate.

[dms]

I know. But it was a while ago now, and everyone who was affected is doing better. I don't think dwelling on what happened will help anyone, either - we have a lot to deal with as it is, you know?

[agleam]

Right, but... Sorry if I'm overstepping or anything, but if it did still matter to you, I don't think that would be a bad thing.

[he hesitates for a few moments, but:]

The circumstances were different back in the school, but - I get what it's like, to be forced into hurting someone when you'd ordinarily never want to.

[dms]

I mean, it'll always matter. What happened then... it isn't something that I take lightly. It's just something that I can't change or undo, so I don't think that dwelling on it is going to help anyone.

So something similar happened to you, too? I really wish that wasn't such a common thing.

[agleam]

Well... I think it's alright if you focus on what would help you cope with it, too. If not dwelling on it is helping, that's one thing, but I worry that it won't feel better in the long run if you don't think about it. [...] Just my two cents. I'm not trying to overstep or anything.

[he sighs, though.]

Yeah, I do, too.

[dms]

It's okay. I know what you mean, but I worry that if I think too hard about it, I won't be able to let it go, you know? And there hasn't been a ton of time to think about it, anyway, considering everything else that's going on.

[ and he just came from the prism too so. no time to process much of anything, really. ]

[agleam]

I guess so, yeah... Well - I hope once you make it home, you can talk about it with someone then, at least.

[if only he knew what therapy was]